if i could look consistently
on my longings
and remember
that my imagination
is looking on the face
of an idol
i would not lose hope
as i so often do


if i could shut myself away
and long only
for what is eternal
i would not lose faith
as i so often do


if i could close my eyes
and forget my self
i would not fear 
His voice
as i so often do


if i could sit in the darkness
and know that my distractions
do not answer my prayers
i would not doubt
as i so often do


so this must be my prayer


Lord, 
thank you for being faithful
when i doubt you
i make so little of You
i make a man of You
and i forget
You are Almighty
i make plans for You
i give You my longings
as if they are important 
and i pray that You will bless them
and when You don't
i make much of my self
and feel unloved and dejected
and try not to see
my unsatisfied lust
i take 'darkness' as my punishment
though You have promised me
my punishment is done
i don't know how to say thank you
to You,  Almighty
for Your patience, Your grace, Your mercy
Lord, show me the places i hide from You
that hinder Your presence in the lives
of those who observe me
looking for Your face
make of me, a humble servant
and lead me, fearlessly to lay down my life
and serve the most unworthy
as You have done
for me
Amen