nothing - everything

so here's a thought

if you were unaware that you are sealed by Christ
would you think you are marked?
would that be the greatest deception?
not being a learned theologian
i'm not even sure that being sealed by Christ -
having the seal of Christ upon you
is even scriptual.
in as much as - i can't see it written exactly as i have put it.
and i do understand the responsibility
that i personally have to honouring the One to whom
that seal belongs
but without the picture
the image - of His seal upon me
i didn't comprehend
as i do today
that His blood has placed
a seal, a royal seal, a spiritual mark, if you will
upon me
so that now
i understand that there is a rejection
that i experience that is wholly brought about
because of the seal upon me.
and yes, i do know that i experience rejection
because people just don't like me
but there is a rejection, an ousting - a separation
that i experience and have experienced that has bewildered me.
even abuses, physical, mental and verbal that i have experienced
give me to think of this seal -
to contemplate
that even then
Christ Himself had set me apart.
well at least that is scriptual -

"...because God has chosen you from the beginning for salvation..." (II THESSALONIANS 2:13)

and i'm not saying only me
but in speaking of me, as i am
i see that there is a possibility, if not probability
that much has come against me
not because He has forsaken me
but because He has sealed me, for Him.
and though these things drew me towards Him
they easily could have drawn me away
as they do, to many all over the world

a few years ago
i did think about this
ever so mildly, i admit
i got this little inkling in my spirit
that there was a possibility that
much of what i experience in my life
is actually a calling
and that i should warn any prospective spouses
that if they should have any ideas of being with me
that they had better understand that i suspect that i belong to God
and if they had no intentions of submitting themselves to Him
they definitely wouldn't be able to handle being with me.
and funnily enough, that has proven to be true.
in a way.
because of course, before i was baptised
i lived as though i might not belong to God
but even in that time
God in His Sovereignty
was demolishing everything i had placed between me and Him.

i sort of knew.

but to surrender
was hard
until i realised
that all the good in my life
had been brought about by Him
not one good thing came into my life
without coming through Him.
and if good came into my life through Him
then the nothing good that came into my life
also had to come through Him.
and there was this one time that i was crying and beside myself with worry
over the fatherhood of my son, especially
and i had been crying out to God to help me
and i got this inkling in my spirit
that i was in this position because
one, i could do it
two, He chose me to do it
and three, i could only do it
with Him.
and i walked to the end of the hall where i had thrown my bible
and written on the page were these words

'He is a Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, God in His Holy dwelling' Psalm 68:5

my son fatherless, me a widow

and that brings to mind something else
that i have had an inkling in my spirit about
that many things i encounter in my life
hard things, uncomfortable things, ugly things,
hard people, uncomfortable people, ugly people
are not there by accident
they are there through the Sovereignty of God
because the only way i could endure is
through Him
all these things draw me to draw on Him.
they push me into Him
eventually.

i am reminded of my friend who i loved heaps.
she had a life much like mine
and i loved her so much.
but i failed her.
i pulled away from her to save myself
without ever realising,
until today
that i was trying to love her through her hard time
in my own strength
and i couldn't do it
i was only able to love her in the beginning
because He loved me first.
and God forgive me
i didn't see it.
our wisdom is shallow.
our love is empty.
His is vast.

not so long ago
i had the opportunity to love
as He does
my very own niece
who was experiencing
so much rejection and hatred being bombarded at her
through her foolish actions, maybe
through her own rebellion, maybe
through her own pride, maybe
regardless
God placed in me
such an awesome love for her
a love that continues to this day
not because she deserves it
not because she asked for it
not because she changed her life
but through Him
He will love and love and love and love and love
until that final day
and through it her rejection from others became mine
and that is what will happen when we love the one the world rejects
we also will be rejected.

and what does all this have to do with being sealed by Christ?

nothing? maybe.

but i suspect
it has everything to do
with being His.

Everything.