my greatest addiction...

my wrestle to devote myself to His service...
comes from my
greatest addiction...


my addiction


to self


to feed self
to clothe self
to house self
to minister to self
to 'worthify' self
to elevate self


but He says
to die


to self


to feed them
to clothe them
to house them
to minister to them
to 'worthify' them
to elevate them

He bombards me with the needs of others... because i have said, yes, i will

i have cried too much for what i have wanted and not received...


my life must be laid down
if i am to serve
with all
my heart


a roof over the head of a brother in need...
i wrestled with my comfort...
i wrestled with my desire...
i wrestled with my need...
i wrestled with Him...


'invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind
'enlarge the pegs of your tent
'i came to serve


His words...
not mine...


so i said Yes, my Lord...
i will do it...


and i pray
that my Lord forgives me...


and


that
my brother's 'blindness' be healed
that he might see
how much
my Lord
loves him

i am the Lord's servant

i am His servant...


my personal agenda must surrender to His
my heart must be His heart
my role must be to serve people -
                          anyone, anytime, anywhere, He directs


He came to serve and when He left, He asked me to accept Him as my saviour
                     and then, to follow...
           (follow...His example)


i have searched for words from Him that allow me to find my comfort 
i am left wanting
He has asked me to serve... to lose my life... to serve Him
and i see Him in my past... using me... to show His love to those who doubt Him
to those who are unsure... to those who have been abandoned by others... to those who believe they do not need Him... to those who need comfort... to those who do not understand
how deeply and personally my Saviour loves them... 
He has used me... because i have said yes... i will go


yes my Lord
i am your servant...
send me
i will go